Graffiti: Roughness. Sharpness and Terrorism.

Updated Frequently, Junkies

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1. A chicken’s life is ova before it starts
2. A comedian who loses 50% of his writers is a half-wit
3. A corckscrew may be twisted, but it’s still a symbol of hospitality
4. A dandy can turn a girl’s head and everyone else’s stomach
5. A flirt is as strong as her weakest wink
6. A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent
7. A great day starts when you weigh 2lbs. less than you though you would
8. A lucky bank account holder today is anyone who still has one
9. A treasure map shows you all the roads without the tolls
10. A well-balances meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand
11. A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to
12. Acupuncture works –you never see a sick porcupine
13. Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed
14. After 40 we send “thank you” notes to people for forgetting our birthday
15. All hospital rooms are expensive care units today
16. Anyone who believes “where there’s smoke, there’s fire” never tried to start a fire in a fireplace
17. Are there enough hippies left to do a revival of “hair”?
18. Ask any skeleton about an out-of-body experience
19. Bald Guys never have hair-brained ideas
20. Be flamboyant –today “living within your means” is mucking-up the economy
21. Beat the blues –cheer-up someone else
22. Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes
23. Bigamy is hope’s triumph over experience
24. Build a better mouse trap and the IRS will beat a path to your door
25. Cardiologists make heart-earned money
26. Campus police are dorm troopers
27. Can’t we at least turn the fiscal cliff into a slope?
28. Cell phones have left Clark Kent without a booth to change in
29. Churches run on souler energy
30. Class reunion –getting together to see who’s falling apart
31. Cocktail lounge –a half- lit room filled with half-lit people
32. Could you stand seeing a replay of your whole day?
33. Darwin got it backwards –humans can turn into monkeys
34. Dilemma –too many simple answers, too few simple questions
35. Do not wash –this is test dirt
36. Do what you can and hope a higher power will do what you can’t
37. Don’t give in church –be good for nothing
38. Doubt makes the mountain that faith can make disappear
39. Driver-ins have G-rated movies and R-rated cars
40. Earth –no deposit –no return
41. Electric toothbrushes prove that tooth is stronger than friction
42. Eve was an adam balm
43. Evil is live backwards
44. Exercise and diet at the same time –open and close your refrigerator door 100 times
45. Flattery –the applause that refreshes
46. Future robots can do all the things we put off until tomorrow
47. Garbage is a collector’s item
48. Girls on their toes seldom get swept off their feet
49. God measures success by the weight of a heart –not a wallet
50. Good fences are more comfortable for gossiping
51. Good medicine discovers how to make health contagious
52. Having an open mind is not to be confused with a hole-in-the-head
53. He who hesitates is five miles past his exit
54. Here’s the decision –peace on earth …or earth in pieces
55. How come a lot of virile men are too weak for indoor work?
56. How come you never know a famous artist until he’s dead?
57. How soon can we expect computers to mow the law?
58. I can’t fathom oceanography
59. I just love thanksgiving dinner –everyone’s so …grateful
60. I may not be as good as I once thought -but just once I’d like to be as good as I was
61. If all your dreams are reruns you’ve hit middle age
62. If at first you succeed, try and hide your astonishment
63. If I’m only half-drunk, it’s because I ran out of money
64. If it weren’t for successful H.S.Dropouts, who’d hire the college graduates?
65. If life worked like baseball you could be traded to another family
66. If one picture speaks a thousand words… a museum speaks volumes
67. If you’re looking for things in a hurry, -expect trouble
68. If you’re too wrapped up in yourself, change into something casual
69. Igloos are domiciles
70. Ignorance of the law rarely keeps some attorneys for bankruptcy in Taunton from practicing it
71. Income tax is the entry fee to the rat race
72. It’s good bet that the person asking for a divorce has already fallen in love
73. It’s no good being a self-made man if nobody respects the workmanship
74. It’s smart never to forget your amnesia
75. I’ve seen the writing on the wall-it’s a forgery
76. Kindness ~truly better to give than to receive
77. Licence plate in Hollywood (Just Remarried)
78. Little boys soon outgrow your small change
79. Lust never sleeps
80. May junkyard cars rust in peace
81. Money may be the root of all evil, but it still doesn’t grow on trees
82. Most women don’t buy life insurance –they marry for it
83. My army drill instructor’s license plate is HUP-2-3-4
84. Neurotics are self-taut
85. Never judge a nose job at face value
86. Never hand out good advice –someone might take it
87. Never talk to your pet rock –it’s stone deaf
88. Never vote on an empty stomach
89. No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives
90. Nostalgia is a thing of the past
91. Nothing makes people more suspicious than the facts
92. Now it’s not just the elevation that’s high in Colorado
93. Nuns do things out of force of habit
94. Obesity is just desserts
95. Obstetricians may have to go back to home delivery
96. Optimists think the future will pay for what we owe the past
97. Our company’s accountant is just a figurehead
98. People who live in big cities are often stuck-up
99. People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job
100. People who shoot off their mouths never run out of ammo
101. People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators
102. People with bunions really know the agony of de feet
103. Please fill out the form below do not abbrev
104. Powdered milk is an udder fraud
105. Remember when Daycare centers were called “HOME”?
106. Remember when fallout was something that happened to your hair?
107. Revenge is sweet –but not on the receiving end
108. Safety is something a lot of people learn by accident
109. Shouldn’t the hotline have a connection to a dial-a-prayer?
110. Skip school –no one will be the wiser…..Especially you
111. Some banks need a bawling out
112. Somethink teaching someone to be good takes less effort than practicing it
113. Sooner or later, “these trying times” become “the good ol’ days”
114. Space exploration –finding a parking space in any shopping maul
115. Sure –live it up –but be prepared to live it down
116. Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast
117. Taking up cross-country running? –pick a small country
118. Teaching kids to count is fine –teaching kids what counts is best
119. Teenaged boy: -too old to be a teddy bear –too young to be a wolf
120. Television is elevator music for the eyes
121. Temper is a valuable possession –don’t lose it
122. The best safety device is a rear view mirror with a cop car in it
123. The cheese in a mousetrap is always FREE
124. The easiest way to change the world is to become a historian
125. The hardest instrument to play is second fiddle
126. The high cost of poverty has gone up 30%
127. The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute
128. The more data you buy, the cheaper it gets
129. The only thing you have to know about money matters is that it matters
130. The past only looks good when you’re living in the present
131. The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting
132. There’s no aftershave cologne that smells like success
133. This TV season has hit new highs in lows
134. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy
135. To some people, having a head cold is the same as having an idea
136. To some people, ‘standing in the presence of greatness’ means standing alone
137. Today is sky day –take a cloud to lunch
138. Today, it’s chic to be cheap
139. Today, the urbanite wants to buy the house in the country the farmer can’t wait to sell
140. Today’s memoir is more of a whodunit?
141. Today’s movies and TV shows give sex and crime a bad name
142. Too many arguments are an exchange of mutual ignorance
143. TV: People with nothing to day talking to people who aren’t listening
144. What’s the antidote for wheat germ?
145. When an airline raises its prices, is it called skyjacking?
146. When you get the second cup free, it’s called a coffee break
147. Why were the suburbs built in snubdivisions?
148. Will the do-it-yourself craze ever get around to thinking?
149. Would your dog pick you for a best friend?
150. You can ruin the present worrying about how the past will affect the future
151. You can spot an egoist by the gleam in his “I”
152. You can’t crow like a rooster and then chicken out
153. You can’t win at Tennis without raising a racket
154. You could think of TV as a form of air pollution
155. You have to exert push before you earn pull
156. You’ll never find an egotist in a collection of shrunken heads
157. Your mind is your own little corner of the world