Knee-slapper Facebook Statuses!

Bewildering mix of relatively Cut-and-dried Facebook statuses you don’t wanna miss. Copy it, comment it, we won’t stop you. One more breaking news, ITS UPDATED DAILY, come tomorrow…

1. A fashion freak Punjaban was walking by the river. Suddenly she saw a crocodile. She screamed – “oh my God!!! Lacoste!!! 🙂
2. A husband’s story- “10 years ago when i used to return HOME, my new DOG welcomed me by BARKING & new WIFE by KISSING, Now they’ve exchanged their roles”
3. A man went to see a tarot reader.  Tarot Reader: Sorry, but your wife will die in the near future. Man: I know that, but will there be a Police Investigation?
4. A Solid truth in Liquid- A bottle of whisky contains more Philosophy & EMOTIONS, than any BOOKS & MOVIES in the World…!!
5. A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage. She replied “Sacrificing the admiration of hundreds of guys to face the criticism of 1 idiot” 😉
6. A very simple quote that I appreciate a lot.. ” Value the one who knows the value of losing you “…!!!
7. A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband.. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife 🙂 😉
8. Adjustment with right people is always better than Argument with wrong Ones
9. Advertising costs me a lot of money – My wife keeps on reading the ads!!!!
10. After drinking:-Men talk unnecessarily, become emotional, drive badly, continue thinking, fight 4 nothing, but women can do all these (without drinking)
11. An Excellent saying by an intelligent man: “Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave lions are killed by beautiful Deers”
12. An old man said “Erasers are made for those who make mistakes.” A youth replied “Erasers are made for those who are willing to correct their mistakes!!” Attitude matters!!
13. Attitude Redefined. Don’t judge me by what you have seen in me. Remember “What you have seen in me is only what i have chosen to show you”
14. Attitude Reloaded: ” If you want to say bad things about me behind my back, come to me… I’ll tell you more.”
15. Be kind to unkind people… THEY NEED IT MOST….
16. Being Two-Faced does not make you Multi-Talented !!!
17. BEST INSPIRATION LINES FOR SATISFACTORY LIFE: The life that you are living now.. Is also a dream of millions. Think about it..!!!!
18. Best part about having multiple personalities is that you’re never alone……
19. Bhai ko bhai se juda kar deti hai “GF”, Ma ko bete se juda kar deti hai “GF”, Bv aur shohar k beech jhagde paida kar deti hai “GF”, Insan ko duniya se juda kar deti hai “GF”, Gharo me jhagda paida kar deti hai “GF”, “GF” mtlab “Galat Fehmi” jo is waqt aapko hui hai! Girl Friend to bechari Masoom hoti hai..
20. Chase Dreams, Not People
21. Chess is the only Game in the World which reflects the Status of the Husband…. The poor King can take only one step at a Time… While the mighty Queen can do whatever she Likes…..
22. Closed Minds should have Closed Mouths…
23. Dear brain…Will you stop thinking so much and let me rest …
24. “Divided by ego, United by gossips”- Women, “Divided by women, United by Liquor” – Men
25. Don’t judge people by their profile picture, judge them by their album
26. Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.
27. Don’t share your Top Secrets with any one…. Because, if you yourself can’t keep it, don’t expect somebody else will keep.
28. Ego is like your branded clothes.. It is important that you have it , but not necessary to show it always…
29. Everyone thinks his burden in life is the heaviest.
30. “Everyone you meet is a character in the movie of your life. You have to decide who are the Stars and who are the Extras.”
31. Excellent Definition For Life: “Life”- ”Missing the expected & facing the unexpected”. Celebrate Life..
32. Extremely profound quote on human nature : “People Want To See You Doing Well…… BUT Not Better Than Them”. !!
33. FACE your problems, don’t FACEBOOK your problems.
34. Father to Son:- My Son “Success is when SIGNATURE turns into Autograph !!! Son:- No dad, “Success is when SIGNATURE turns into BLACK LABEL 🙂 Cheers!!!
35. Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes…
36. Geography Teacher: India Me salbhar Sabse Zayda Baraf Kaha Girti Hai…??? Awesome Reply By Student:- “Daaru K Glass Me..”
37. Getting Married is like giving…………………………..”Supari” for self 🙂
38. Happy Teacher’s Day to all the Wives who give Unending Lectures to their Husbands!
39. How to take major decisions of life? First think from your heart ,Then think from your mind, Then do as your wife says ! ! !
40. Human beings are very strange, They have Ego of their Knowledge… But, They don’t have Knowledge of their Ego…
41. I don’t know why women think that silent treatment is a punishment to their man, its a gift… If you really wanna piss them off, keep talking…
42. I told my Wife – “Wife is Cute when she is Mute” …………………She replied – “Hubby is Honey when he gives Money”
43. If couples who are in love are called love birds, then couples who always fight should be called angry birds!!!!!
44. If the Tongue is doing Overtime, It surely means the Brain is on Strike…..
45. If you are sitting on top of the world, remember it turns over every 24 hours.
46. If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down, beat it with a stick, tie it up, and drag it back !!
47. In my experience the best response to verbal attack is silence.
48. It is always easier to stay silent and smile than explain everything you really feel.
49. Just because you’re Male doesn’t mean you’re a Man…
50. Just once I wish the politicians would listen to the people that voted for them, instead of the companies that paid for them
51. Ladies, if your man says he’ll fix it, he will. There’s no reason to remind him every 6 months 🙂 😛 😉
52. LAW OF EQUALITY: Time taken by a wife when she says I’ll be ready in 15 minutes is equal to time taken by a husband when he says I’ll be home in 15 minutes!!
53. Life is too ironic to fully understand.. It takes Sadness to know what Happiness is… Noise to appreciate Silence & Absence to Value Presence…
54. Life is too short to waste time, doing nothing is an expensive choice.
55. Life would be A LOT easier if people would just say what they mean & mean what they say!!
56. “LISTEN” and “SILENT” are two words with same Alphabets. Amazingly both are meant for Husbands!!
57. Live LIFE before LIFE leaves you
58. MARRIAGE is just a fancy word for adopting an over-grown male child who can’t be handled by his parents anymore!!!!
59. MEDICAL TIP ! Agar biwi ki zuban band ho to……. Nabz zaroor check kar lein…… 🙂
60. Men are very kind, Women are very selfish!!! Proof : Most Women don’t like to help Unknown Men.. Where as all Men are ready to help any Unknown Women.. 😉 😀
61. Men socialize by insulting each other but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting each other… they don’t mean it either.
62. “Mind Blowing Truth” The only person to whom a women will listen very carefully is a “PHOTOGRAPHER” 🙂 😛
63. Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
64. Mistakes increase your Experience and Experience reduces your Mistakes. If you learn from your Mistakes then Others will learn from your Success.
65. Money is a marvellous source if it goes in the pocket, But a terrible master if it enters the head.
66. Most dangerous qualities of Wifes ! They……Listen HALF, Understand QUARTER, Think ZERO, React DOUBLE & Remember FOREVER! 🙂
67. Nervous Patient: “Doctor, I often feel like killing myself. What shall I do?”
    Doctor: “Leave it to me.”
68. Never let your mouth be Broadband when your Brain is on Dial Up….
69. Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day…
70. Never mix your words with your mood, because you will have many option to change your mood, but you will never get an option to replace the spoken words.
71. New Year’s Resolution :- Don’t Get Caught!!!! 🙂
72. Nice Lines : “Hurt Me with the Truth but, Never Comfort Me with a Lie” 🙂
73. Nice words written on a balloon which was flying high up in the sky..”It is not what’s outside, But what’s Inside, That takes you to the top…!!
74. Nobody knows your business better than other people!!
75. Nobody notices what I do… till I don’t do it…
76. Nobody teaches Volcanoes to Erupt, Tsunamis to Arise, Hurricanes to Sway Around….. And Nobody teaches how to choose a Spouse…. Natural Disasters just happen….. 🙂
77. None can destroy Iron, but its own Rust can….. Likewise none can destroy a Person, but his own Mind Set can…..
78. Not every “I’m sorry”, is exchangeable with an “It’s alright”
79. Not everyone is meant to be in our future. Some people are just passing through to teach us lessons in life.
80. Patni : Yeh kya White Roses kyon, Valentine Day par toh Red Roses dete hai. Pati : Ab Zindagi me, pyaar se jyaada Shanti ki Jarorat hai 😛 😉
81. Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
82. Relations are like Electric Current! Wrong connections will give you Shocks throughout your life.. But the Right ones will Light Up your Life…
83. Self-Dicipline is when your conscience tells you to do something and you don’t talk back…
84. Silence teaches us a lot…
85. Some friend was praying – Dear bank, Give me a Loan and Leave me alone. 😀
86. Some people just need a hug sometimes… Around their neck… With a very long rope.
87. Sometimes you have to Shut Up, swallow your Pride & accept that you are Wrong. Its not Giving Up, Its called Growing Up…. 🙂
88. Sympathy – You can get from anybody!!!!!!! But Jealousy – You have to earn it!!!!!!
89. Take good care of your REPUTATION, It’s going to live longer than YOU.
90. ‘TAKE IT EASY’, Is A Concept For Ordinary People; But
    ‘MAKE IT EASY’, Is A Concept For Brilliant People…..
91. The best way to make somebody remember you is, ……Borrow Money from them!!!
92. The loud voice of a man really shocks & threatens a woman but the silence of a woman tremendously shakes the consciousness of a man…
93. The privilege of drinking with friends is that one can talk nonsense all the time; And the best thing is that nonsense is understood, discussed and respected!!!
94. There are always 3 versions of Truth: Your Version…… My Version…….
    And the Reality…
95. There are only two uncommon reasons for us to be on the Earth, “Hell can’t bear us” and “Heaven can’t afford us”
96. Those people who stop talking with you….start talking about you….
97. To criticize me.. you need to first reach my level.. till then better remain an Admirer!!!
98. Trust is like a paper, once crumpled won’t be perfect again.
99. Two rules help for a Peaceful life.. a. Failure Should Never go to Heart (DEPRESSION).!! b. Success Should never go to Head (EGO).!!
100. Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything…
101. Value your Commitments, it will create your own Value.
102. Walking alone is not difficult, but when we have walked a mile with someone, then coming back alone is more DIFFICULT..!!
103. What is D difference between POETRY & ESSAY. Any word you uttered by a GIRLFRIEND is a POETRY while anything said by WIFE is an ESSAY. 😀
104. When Ambition exceeds performance, the gap is called Frustration! But When Performance exceeds Ambition, the overlap is called SUCCESS…
105. When you focus on Money, you can build a Company, But when you focus on People, you can Build an Empire
106. Where there is will … There are 500 relatives …!!! 😛
107. While buying Gift for your Wife, the most important thing to remember is the Receipt… She will require it later while exchanging…
108. Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia??? The mafia wants either your money or your life… The wives want both!!! 😉
109. Wife: “Do you know you were saying nasty things to me in your sleep last night.” Husband: “Who was sleeping?”
110. Wife: I have changed my mind!!
     Husband: Does the new one work?? �
111. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
112. Would a lion cheat? No, but a Tiger Wood!!!!!
113. You cheat God thousands of times… But God is so kind, He doesn’t punish you everytime… He just gets you MARRIED ONCE…..
114. You might feel worthless to one person, but you may be priceless to others. Dont ever let someone’s small – minded opinion overshadow your true value…
115. Your journey will be much lighter and easier if you don’t carry your past with you!!!

Credit: Arvind Agarwal